YULE BE THRILLED TO READ THIS

OK, America, you've finished gorging yourselves on stuffing, so it's time to start stuffing yourselves on Christmas cookies, Santa-shaped chocolates and, where available, roasted chestnuts. A quick gander at the Spotify chart tells us that holiday music is surging, and that means you've already completely lost interest in work and are ready to ride out the rest of this bizarre year inhaling treats and humming Yuletide perennials.

Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas Is You" naturally leads the pack, having jumped to #4 on Spotify's U.S. chart. It's also the only Christmas tune on the Apple Music leaderboard, which is still pretty focused on hip-hop, R&B and Adele.

But on Spotify's domestic Top 50, Mariah is followed in quick succession by Brenda Lee ("Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree," #5), Bobby Helms ("Jingle Bell Rock," #6), Andy Williams ("It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year," #8) and, distributed through the remainder of the chart, Nat King Cole ("The Christmas Song"), Bing Crosby ("White Christmas"), Michael Bublé ("It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas"), José Feliciano ("Feliz Navidad"), The Ronettes ("Sleigh Ride"), Frank Sinatra ("Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Show!"), Ariana Grande ("Santa Tell Me") and Perry Como ("It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas"). Expect this holly, jolly trend to intensify. Burl Ives is doing push-ups in the corner, people.

Once again this year, there are no Chanukah songs on the chart. However, we did have some Belgian gelt last night that wipes the floor with that chalky shit we had as kids.